I love you in a way that is more powerful than you could believe. Many lack self-awareness and are physically unable to see how they have harmed those around them. The writer also recognizes that therapy and self improvement can negate many of these symptoms described. As you develop, you begin to develop emotional coping skills. You may want to show them how much they hurt you by hurting yourself. Every entry was full of musings only a carefree child could have. Codependency: A damaging psychological disorder typically demonstrated from people in, or formerly apart of abusive relationships.
She will always contact you, so occasionally take her call every month or so. We may, through habit, unskillful behavior, and simply not knowing any better, push people away, creating self-fulfilling prophecies of abandonment, when this is far from our true desires and intentions. And, over the course of four years, we talked about absolutely everything -- things from my childhood, sex issues, self-destruction, inner emotions I was dreadfully ashamed to have. She gave you an easy out at the moment. I function quite capably at most times during my life, but sometimes, under stress, I experience psychotic episodes.
Can I be a friend, do I know how? It's incredibly painful, and yet, if one cannot feel one cannot heal. Turning the radio down, instead of outright changing the station. He got bored of me. But I hope you are able to find some peace and can look forward with some hope for the future. She threw her gun out the front door and bent the scope, hit me , ran at me and knocked me down and threw something and hit me. But the most important misassumption that we need to address in this blog post is the assumption that you could have seen it coming.
There's no road map, no idea of how long it will take. The antithesis of the kind of people we are taught to aspire becoming. They may still find ways to hoover you back in, or make you want to be with them again. We worked very well with each other. The first year was great. This will not help you heal right now. She told me that she was trying as hard as she could to make room for me in her life but had a very rigid schedule and of course, I interrupted her schedule and pulled on her time.
You could have bent over backwards to please her--but it was never enough. If I texted her the next time, then I was blamed for not inviting her. I learned from her younger sister that my ex was starting to become an alcoholic like her mother. Would you continue to scold a little child every day, for having made a costly mistake? This is really scary stuff, and my heart goes out to you. When I am caught up in it I feel like I am so utterly justified for feeling the hate for the person most often husband I am hating. They are extremely difficult people to leave behind. She seemed black and white with people.
Ive tried to reach out to him family, and little has come of it. And I still believe that it is -- in fact, I know that it is. He's become quite adept at spotting the thinking patterns as soon as they emerge and pointing them out. Anyway, I graduated college and hit a point where I just broke free from her. My mind always convinces me that someone else will be better for him than I am. When a lover's emotional responses to various situations are incongruent they don't make sense , it has us questioning our reality, doubting ourselves and feeling like we're on shaky ground.
Still man, I wish there was something I could do or say to convince you otherwise. The world quite literally stops turning and you are left floundering in slow motion, unable to think or reach out to anyone, unable to rationalize. Without clearing away these misperceptions it may be more difficult to gain the kind of understanding necessary to recover from this type of relationship. There comes a point, at which we can't decipher which end is up or down--sort of like being trapped beneath tons of snow, in an avalanche. Like I shouldn't have left or was being too hard on him, or like he didnt want to react because he figures I will go back there.
She once said that it felt like she was moving 10o miles while she thought I saw it as moving one inch in terms of making room in her life for our relationship. These instances make you feel as if the world is going to end. Everything you knew was a lie. As an update she has been visiting a friend in my town she lives a distance 80 plus miles even before we broke up. A break-up of this kind goes far beyond missing the Borderline, and the good times you've shared. I was very withdrawn, and very depressed, pretty much all the time. I admire those who are self aware and in therapy, working through it.
It sounds like your boundaries are very strong, but her behaviors are extreme enough that I would suggest you seek counseling to help you navigate through this very complex and potentially harmful process of disengaging from her. I found out she has done this before, as well as convictions of disordely conduct and another conviction for battery 13 years ago at age 23. My ex would be depressed and not know what about, and for women its worse because they tend to think with their emotions more than logic, and no matter how much I convinced her that her life was doing great it didn't make a difference. If children are involved I recommend you do a google search on how to initiate low contact. Unlike them, there may be a chance to reach you and help you identify what causes you to stay attached to a lifestyle of abuse, chaos and danger. I came home one day to find her passed out on the couch and the boy who was 4 now wanting something to eat. All of this of course was bogus and went absolutely no where.